Don’t Go Into The Light

       This past January I was able to attend Passion and Christine Caine got up on the stage the second night and she gave what I would call ‘spiritual spankings’ across the stage. The other morning, I felt like I needed to re-listen to her message because she talks about some struggles that I have. 

       After listening to it, I was able to sit on some of what she was saying. Like one of the highest things we could ever be is a servant of the Lord. Only four people have been called that in the Bible! I started to think about how willing am I to have as my highest goal to be a servant? Also before becoming a servant of the Lord, how willing am I to be the aide to the servant? Looking at Joshua and how he was the aide to Moses, who is one of the four to be known as a servant of the Lord, and how Joshua had to wait until Moses died before he walked into his calling of being a servant of the Lord. Christine makes this statement during her talk that hits home to me and to our generation,

“We have a generation wanting to run out to the spotlight, but the spotlight that is on you will kill you if the light of Christ is not greater than the spotlight that is on you.”

       I know in myself that when I feel that Lord telling me to do something or showing me parts of my future I immediately want to start running for it. But these past couple of months the Lord has been bringing this up to me. I hear him saying to me, “Slow down. Sit with me. You are not quite ready yet.” When I re-listened to this message it all came together. God is not dangling a carrot in front of me and teasing me to wait. He is building the character in me to have more of His light in me, so when it is time for me to walk out into my calling His light blinds the spotlight.

      I want my God to call me a Servant of the Lord because I know that my greatest purpose here is to bring glory to Him. And I know that to bring him this glory, I need to continue to die to myself everyday and allow him to be greater in me. I know now the importance of this waiting period and how being the aide to the servant is one of the greatest honors I can do. It is during this time that I can learn and be sharpened for my calling.

      I do not want to just do spectacular things for God and not serve Him. I do not want to go to God with my own agenda instead of just serving Him. I want to be okay with my own selfish dreams being set aside to follow the dreams that the Lord has for me. I do not want to give God a list of ways how I am going to serve Him. I want to be ready for when the Lord says to me, “Get ready!” because you have to be ready to get ready.

      Another point that she hits is how our generation is so concerned with who is following us and how many likes we are getting. I started to think about this…how much do I care for the ‘likes’ or how many people are following me? Unfortunately, I realized that some times I do care too much about the likes and how many are following me instead of realizing that Jesus is sitting right beside me. I want that to be my first response when I have something I want to share or a photo that shows something I love…I want to turn to Jesus first and be like look. I have worked a lot in my life about people pleasing and looking to others for confidence but I know that I still have more to go. I have learned over this past year and half that my self-worth and confidence comes from the Lord and no one else, yet I see myself falling back into old ways every now and again. *GRACE ABOUNDS*

      So everyday starting now, the first thing that I will do when I wake up is ask the Lord 1) What do you think about me? 2) How do you see me? Because I want to start every day with His perspective and not my own. And right now, I am glad to be His aide and allowing Him to cut away what needs to go and shaping into His calling for my life. I am going to sit back in His presence and have no rush because we are always saying how time flies and I just want to take in all of Him and not rushing it.