When I was interviewing for CGA, they asked me what was one thing that I was nervous about and I knew exactly what that one thing was…fundraising again. The same feeling I had when I was first accepted to go on the World Race was excitement but also fear of raising that kind of money. But I decided to not focus on that and just focus on what the Lord wanted to show me and what He had placed a calling on my heart for. So I did just that and He blew me away by providing $16,500.00 in six months, say what?!? It still blows my mind that He brought in all of that money and in such a short amount of time. Well I knew He was calling me to CGA and what comes with that is support raising again. *insert straight mundane face*
Over this past year I have really learned what it means to trust the Lord and how to depend on Him, except in one area…financially. I can trust the Lord with my life and I know no matter what He will protect me and whatever happens He is right there beside me. I can trust Him in taking care of my family and that I do not need to worry about them because He has them and He knows what is best and of course He knows the ultimate plan for their lives. But money is that one area I still need to learn how to trust the Lord in. It makes me angry that I have such a hard time trusting Him in providing the money for what He has given me a passion and desire for. Lately though, He has been showing some of the reasons why I have a such a hard time trusting Him in this area. One and probably one the biggest parts is I am afraid that He will take it away right when it is getting ready to happen. I experienced this with the World Race, I had always felt a huge desire to do it and a passion for missions but I had this fear that right at the last minute I would not be able to go and then again when I was first on the race, it came back up that maybe somehow I would not get to finish the race. But the Lord showed me how that was not the truth and how He gives me the desires of my heart and that I just need to trust Him.
At Passion, Christine Caine made the comment that the Lord is not a cruel God in that He is not going to dangle a carrot in front of you and then snatch it up when you are about to grab it. He wants to give us the desires of our hearts and He loves us. This made some wheels turn inside my mind and made me understand that He is not a cruel God. How He loves giving us the desires of our hearts because it brings Him joy. He has always provide for me and He has always taken care of me, so why am I having such a hard time believing He could bring in the money for CGA? Then at Project Searchlight, Destiny Trotter stood up and said this,
“I always say I have never fundraised a day in my life because that means that I am the one who brought the funds in. I say that I cast the vision for what obedience in my life looks like, (what the Lord is calling me to) and invite people to invest and partake. If the Lord calls you to something that you have to “fundraise” for you are just being obedient to what He is calling you to. Just like if He is calling you to a job, He gets to decide how He is going to provide for you be it a job or be it “fundraising” but both of those it is God providing the money for you. I don’t think we get a choice in how He does it!”
This seriously spoke so much into me and into the trouble I am having in understanding why I am “fundraising” again. The Lord spoke a vision into me and placed a desire in my heart that CGA can help develop and challenge me to go forward with. I am not fundraising but I am asking the church of the kingdom to invest in me and what the Lord is calling me to do for the kingdom. Also how the Lord will provide just like He does for everyone else and their jobs.
So during this time where the enemy is trying to bring doubt and fear into this season I have looked up some verse to help me fight back. One of them that hit me the hardest is Matthew 7:7-11 in the message version says:
“Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn’t a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we’re in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn’t think of such a thing. You’re at least decent to your own children. So don’t you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?”
When I read this I really think my jaw dropped because it made me realize that after all I have seen the Lord do and read with my own eyes throughout His word, how could I doubt Him in providing or why be anxious. He is my heavenly Father, who sent His only son to die for me so that we could have a relationship. If He was willing to do that for me, why would I ever limit or doubt Him to what He can do. Just like I have tattooed on my feet, “Walk by faith, not by sight.” I need to remember that He has a greater plan and knows what is there and all I have to do is sit in His arms and know that my Daddy has this! I may not be able to see it right now but all I need to do is believe and trust in Him.
So I ask that if you feel lead my the Lord to invest in me and what He is calling to me that would be incredible and that the Lord will honor your investment. Also Thank You to everyone who has already come along side of me and invested in what the Lord has in this next season for me. May He pour blessings over you and your family. Love y’all!
